connecting the dots
From a very inspirational speech given by Steve Jobs at Stanford University:
you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. you have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
you’ve got to find what you love. and that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. if you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. don’t settle. as with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. and, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. so keep looking until you find it. don’t settle.
no one wants to die. even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. and yet death is the destination we all share. no one has ever escaped it. and that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. it is life’s change agent. it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.
your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. they somehow already know what you truly want to become. everything else is secondary.
the red shoes
“one day when i’m old, i want some lovely young girl to say to me, “tell me, where in your long life, mr. caster, were you most happy?” and i shall say, ‘well, my dear, i never knew the exact place. it was somewhere on the mediterranean. i was with victoria page.” “what?” she will say. “do you mean the famous dancer?” i will nod. “yes, my dear, i do. then she was quite young, comparatively unspoiled. we were, i remember, very much in love.”
quote from hand christian andersen’s fairytale /ballet / movie “The Red Shoes”.
up the mountain and down the mountain
what better way to bid the winter farewell than from above the clouds.
though, admittedly, wintersports are NOT my cup of tea, there is no denying the beauty of the mountain peaks, the deep blue sky, the glittering snow, and… the people sliding down the slopes like their life depends on it. it’s a question of overcoming the inferiority complex those hip-swinging snowboard bunnies instill on you. has this been achieved, the terrasse, kaiserschmarn and glühwein proves to be pure bliss. plus, the tan looks so much better minus the goggles and helmet.
to those who see…
…bare branches – and know they hold the buds of spring.
to those who see stars falling in the heavens – and know the constellations will remain forever.
to those who see long lines of geese fade far beyond – and know they come back again to nest.
to those who see with wonter in their hearts and know – what glories there can be for those who see.
from gwen frostic‘s inspirational collection of poetry and thoughts.
here’s to 2011 and another chance to get it right.
photographic journey
i don’t think any photographer has ever left me so lost for words than mitchell kanashkevich. i have never seen anybody capture the mood and the emotion of places, people, and cultures better than this young photographer. some of his pictures leave me literally breathless.
i would lie if i said that i am always left feeling purely inspired after my weekly snoop around his website and blog. more than anything i feel a bit like crying, i feel frustrated and envious of his talent, his courage, and his life; and there’s a sense of panic as well: so much to learn, so much to see, so much to experience.
more than anything though, i just feel exited, and i tell myself: “when i’m big, i want to take photos just like mitchell”.
(never mind the fact that he’s a couple of years younger than me…).
i miss me
why is it so much easier to stay centered and balanced when things are going badly in your life? when the external circumstances are such that i am suffering, i develop a deep self love which goes along with an inner peace and calm, as well as an awareness of the beauty in the simple things of life. there is also a certainty that bad things will pass, and good things lie ahead of me.
this always proves true. only, once the good things arrive, so does the Ego. and with it, the compulsive need to control and hold on to these good things. there is the anxiety to lose them again. gone is the inner calm, and the certainty that the flow of life is always to be followed without resistence — but rather, by just appreciating what is there now.
almost every time one dream or the other has come true, i find myself longing to go back to that person i was before my visions materialized.
things are good in the moment… and hence, i miss ME.
la vie en rose
i recently met a man, and i think i might be experiencing a different level of love. it’s the kind of love i dreamt of as a child and young teen – but soon gave up hope on existed in real life.
it’s the kind of love where two people experience a deep connection between body and heart, before the mind has had time to interfere and contaminate the story with it’s analysis and control mechanism.
it’s the kind of love where two people look into each other’s eyes to find each other’s souls.
it’s the kind of love where there is no need to talk about your old life in order to “get to know each other” – because you no longer feel the need to identify with your past.
it’s the kind of love where you know: this meeting was planned many many lightyears in advance – we were never NOT going to meet.
it’s the kind of love where there exists no desire to control, change, possess or even “need” the other person - because in your heart you know this was meant to be no matter what.
Birkebeinerrittet – Heia Heia Heia
the first ten minutes of the ride, when we were still in rena and driving past crowds of elderly people, teenage girls, and kindergarten children all cheering: “heia, heia, heia”, was the only fun part of the experience.
without exaggerating, i have never before in my life physically – and probably mentally – suffered as much as during those 8 hours and 8 minutes it took me to get to the finish line. it was raining heavily, and after the first hour i was soaking wet. when i got the first stop, after 20km of steep uphilling, i didn’t have the force in my legs to stand, and actually fell into the mud when grabbing for the bananas the doctors were handing out. i hadn’t packed any sunglasses so kept on getting mud in my eyes and mouth. unlike my male colleagues, i also hadn’t packed any energy bars and protein drinks. instead, the compulsory 3.5 kg backpack of mine was filled with my camera and two lenses. i hadn’t taken measurements on my bike and from an ergonomic point of view my ride must have been unacceptable. no – it was definitely not an enjoyable experience.
at the fourth and final stop – 75 km down, 20 to go – after 7 hours, plenty of tears, and a couple of panic attacks, i decided to give up. i waited for the shuttle bus to come round, and when the driver finally arrived he just gave me a quick look and then said: “YOU are not quitting. i’m not taking you. you can do it. YOU CAN DO IT! do it for me!”
i don’t know WHAT made him think that i could make it (or if he says that to every wimp who wants to give up), but it was that extra push i needed. for the last 20 km i thought about three things which got me through the finish line:
1) my ex boyfriend and his smug face when i would tell him that i’d quit – just as he had predicted.
2) my 20 male colleagues waiting for me at the finnish line, expecting to see me ride in on the bus.
3) my cheesy vision board, which i had updated only 2 months earlier – top “vision” being: i successfully take part in the birkebeinerrittet (i probably should have added “without any practise and preparation!).
and so i made it. and yes, i am more than slightly proud.
i could now of course post some photos of sweaty faces, muddy legs, and testosterone ridden men. however, i’d rather not…
Food For Thought
sitting in an airplane at least four times per week these days gives me plenty of time to read. i’ve literally been gulping up book after book, and luckily enough almost every one of them has awaken a feeling of thought, inspiration, or excitement. here are some of those passages which have left a deep mark. no further explanation.
out of “the celestine prophecy” by james redfield:
When one first learns to be clear and to engage one’s evolution, any of us can be stopped, suddenly, by an addiction to another person. [...] When love first happens, the two individuals are giving each other energy unconsciously and both people feel buoyant and elated. That’s the incredible high we call “being in love”. Unfortunately, once they expect this feeling to come from the other person, they cut themselves off from the energy in the universe and begin to rely even more on the energy from each other – only now there doesn’t seem to be enough and so they stop giving each other energy and fall back into their dramas in an attempt to control each other and force the other’s energy their way. At this point the relationship degenerates into the usual power struggle.
out of “11 minutes” by paolo coelho:
I’ve met a man and fallen in love with him. I allowed myself to fall in love for one simple reason: I’m not expecting anything to come of it. I know that, in three months’ time, I’ll be far away and he’ll be just a memory, but I couldn’t stand living without love any longer; I had reached my limit… Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes directions. [...] Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.
“Why is it that men only think about sex, instead of doing as you did with me and finding out how I feel?”
“Who said we only think about sex? On the contrary, we spend years of our life trying to convince ourselves that sex is actually important to us. We learn about love from prostitutes or virgins; we tell our stories to whoever will listen; when we are older, we parade about with much younger lovers, just to prove to others that we really are what women expect us to be. But do you know something? That’s simply not true. We understand nothing. We think that sex and ejaculation are the same thing and, as you just said, they’re not.
We don’t learn because we haven’t the courage to say to the woman: show me your body. We don’t learn because the woman doesn’t have the courage to say: this is what I like. We are stuck with our primitive survival instincts, and that’s that. Absurd though it may seem, do you know what is more important than sex for a man?”
I thought it might be money or power, but I said nothing.
“Sport. Because a man can understand another man’s body. We can see that sport is a dialogue between two bodies that understand each other.”
out of “das gesetz der resonanz” by pierre franckh
wenn zwei menschen sich erkennen, erkennen sie in erster Linie sich selbst. In Resonanz mit einem anderen Menschen zu sein, ist die größte Erfüllung, die man erfahren kann. Wir sind endlich angekommen. Angekommen bei uns selbst. Denn in Wahrheit spüren wir “nur” uns selbst, in Wahrheit sind wir “nur” uns selbst nahegekommen. Der andere spiegelt sich in uns. Was wir als Liebe bezeichnen, ist das Erkennen der Liebe zu uns selbst, ist das Einssein mit sich und dem anderen. In Wahrheit suchen wir immer nur uns selbst im anderen.
Bauen wir Bilder vor unserem geistigen Auge auf, ohne von der Erfülung unseres Wunsches gefühlsmäßig überzeugt zu sein, sendet nur unser Gehirn seine elektromagnetischen Wellen aus, während unser eigentliches Gefühlszentrum – das Herz – unsere wirkliche Überzeugung, meistens unsere Zweifel und Ängste, mit 5000-fach größerer Stärke in dei Welt sendet. Die Konsequenz daraus liegt klar auf der Hand: Es kann sich nur das wirklich in unserem Leben erfüllen, woran wir aus tiefstem Herzen glauben.
out of “the power of now” by eckhart tolle (which i have read now for the third time – i could quote the whole book but that would be a bit tedious)
Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace? Yes. Happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not.
Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is. The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly. Things, people, or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you with no struggle or effort on your part, and you are free to enjoy and appreciate them – while they last. All those things, of course, will still pass away, cycles will come and go, but with dependency gone there is no fear of loss anymore. Life flows with ease.”
out of “the alchemist” by paolo coelho
What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one “dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.
Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it’s all written there.
On Men – Part 1 (as i am sure there will be more)
i find it increasingly easy to read men. no matter where they stand in their life, with their work, on the social ladder, and from which part of the world they are (and believe me – here in london you never meet somebody from the same country twice)… it is always the same. as a woman, you are simply required to adapt a little bit, and you’ll get exactly what you want out of a man.
sometimes you play smart. sometimes you play dumb. for some men you need to be a sexual siren. for others you need to be shy and timid. some like you to be career minded and corporate. others like you to be creative and a free spirit. some want to see the future mother of their child in you. some want you wild – so they can tame you. one thing they all have in common: they want to feel admired.
so you let them talk. you let them show off. you laugh about their jokes. you pretend to be impressed by their knowledge. maybe – depending on what genre of homo sapiens we are talking about – you challenge or provoke them a little. more often than not i stop listening to the words coming out of their mouth after the third sentence. though it seems that my attention is focused externally, the truth is it is focused internally. i am analyzing every single cell on the man’s face, picking up on energies, and listening to my gut.
overall, it’s a fun game to play and the older you get the more you excel at it. the highlight for me is always when you find one of those curious men that actually believe that they control the game. that they have the power. that they are getting you exactly where they want you to be. that genre of man who thinks he is “mysterious”, and “different”, and “difficult”. and of course, you must confirm this belief of his with everything you say and do. though the truth be told – this is the kind of man who is the easiest to read, making him the best playmate.
you play along, smiling on the inside. sometimes you are bored. more often than not you are uninspired. you know: he has told this story to ten other women. it’s the story of his day/week/month. he thinks it’s funny/cute/charming.
and then, once in a blue moon, there’s a man who unarms you. when he looks at you, you feel he’s analyzing your face, picking up on your energies, listening to his gut. you feel busted, and you find yourself asking: “who am i, when i am not playing?”. and that’s where the real fun begins…
Chasing Pirates
i just got back from corsica, where i spent a much-needed week away from the city, the traffic, the noise and too many humans fighting for too little space. and just as i hoped for, it has done me well. my energies are revived, and i feel re-united with myself. i have set myself the goal to pay more attention to what it is my heart is trying to tell me, and to trust the omens of which there are many, every day (can you tell i just finished reading “the alchemist” by paulo coehlo?) : ). but let’s not get ahead of ourselves…
i would lie if i said that all my sorrows were forgotten as soon as i set foot on the beautiful island that is corsica. highly irritable is probably the kindest way of describing the mood i was in for the first few days. the beach was too sandy, the water too cold, the weather too hot. too many insects (including a scorpion in my bedroom). too narrow streets. annoying men. and don’t even get me started on the effect the humidity had on my new hair do…
mid – week i took the blue twingo i’d hired and drove her far into the mountains and the woods, chasing for the serenity of so-called “me-time”. i was told the drive to “les aiguilles de bavella” would take me precisely 1.25 hours. it took me just under 5.
i felt dehydrated, but didn’t dare drink any water as i was dying for the loo already, and there was no sign of a washroom in sight.
i stopped for a little stroll through the village of l’ôpedale, and was chased by a huge dog who had just finished his mud bath.
i nearly, nearly had road accidents with some cows, a dozen goats and a whole herd of pigs.
when i reached a sign stating “bienvenu au département de haute corse” i finally understood that i had long by-passed les fameuses aiguilles de bavella, and had been driving the last hour or so in vain. by that point i was ready to kill someone.
i went for a stroll through the woods and, by coincidence, i ended up at a tiny little creek streaming through the forest. it was so idyllic it bordered on kitsch. i sat down to do some meditation when, from the corner of my eye, i saw something black rolling past me, heard a loud and nasty “splash”… and the next thing i know i am staring straight into the treacherous eyes of the tiny river, my brand new camera lens staring right back at me from the bottom of the water.
there was a minute of pure disbelief. then a couple of tears and a bit of self-pity. then a voice in my head telling me: “honestly. are you surprised? are you even mildly SURPRISED, with all those negative energies you’ve been building up over the past 6 weeks? seriously?”. then i dressed down to my very unflattering eggshell coloured panties and my (strongly contrasting) leopard patterned bra and jumped into the water, just next to the sign reading: “respectez la nature”.
for a split second i thought: “uuh, this is like that scene in the film “love actually”, when she drops his papers into the river, and then undresses and jumps after them… and he then jumps after her… and the rest is history…”. but when i crawled back out of the water, there only was a young, french family looking at me rather disapprovingly, but also with some pity in their eyes… like i was not well or something.
on my drive back home i finally managed to see les aiguilles de bavella, and it was well worth the trip.
i then made a final stop at the huge lake just outside of opêdale where i sat down by the water. at first i thought i was alone, but then i noticed an old woman sitting not far from me. she was about 70 years old, and was sitting on a tree trunk, staring into the water. she fascinated me. i felt like she had come to this place many times when she was younger. i am convinced that she was thinking about her late husband, and about the love they had shared. and i am pretty damn sure that they had made love at exactly that spot.
i felt like a real intruder sitting there and watching her. but when she eventually got up and saw me, she smiled at me in a beautiful way. it was the smile of a woman who has lived her life well, and when she left, this feeling of peace i’d been missing for the past couple of months finally overcame me again. 50 years from now, i will smile that beautiful smile.
